Friday's Identity Crisis

Late last Thursday evening, Friday was checked into a private rehabilitation center most notably known as a refuge for celebrities suffering from personality mood disorders, i.e. the entire Hollywood scene. No reports have yet emerged as to the reason behind this sudden break-down.

Asked to comment on this latest turn of events, the Twitterverse went into convulsions, spewing out an endless stream of nonsensical Friday tweets. Some are referring to this as the "Follow Friday," although few are aware of what this mysterious term means.

Meanwhile across the Middle East, protests have erupted, most likely in response to this latest calamity. Now activists are in a conundrum over which day to adopt as their own to use as a platform for their battle cry for democracy, or cheaper burgers, it's not clear which.

And Stateside, boycotts are now firmly in place after a certain teenager besmirched Friday entirely by repeatedly referring to it as FUN FUN FUN. When asked for a rebuttal, Friday meekly admitted to once being the go-to day heralding a weekend of activities, with people evoking its name and the lord's in thanks.

At press time, there was still no news as to the fate of Friday. Rumors are, however, floating around that an infamous person and Friday have begrudgingly made peace while patients at the same institution after the former accused the latter of causing a humanitarian intervention in his oil-rich country. It is unclear as to who these rumors refer to, although there was mention of many hats and snuggies in his possession.

The rest of the week kindly ask that their privacy be respected on this most painful occasion. 

Are We Talking Pills Here?

The countdown to the End Of Days is well on its way. This Saturday, what is now commonly known as the Rapture will be taking place at approximately 6pm. Nobody bothered telling me whether that would be Eastern Standard Time or just Standard Crazy Talk. Also, when we say "rapture," are we talking about the kind where people wear sunglasses at night and can't stop swinging their arms in the air as they listen to a fast beat caught on loop with their brains getting fried, or is it more the kind where they get swooped up into the sky while they're driving cars or planes and we're left with shit traffic to deal with afterwards? I have the feeling it's the latter, but we'll only know that for sure when the planet witnesses a sharp decrease in overall lunacy.
So in light of impending doom (or horrendous traffic), it is prudent that we discuss the ramifications of such an event, which I suspect will be far-reaching and wide:

1- Church is probably going to be empty come Sunday. 
2- Glenn Beck will be out of a lucrative job. 
3- Israel will lose a big ally, forcing it to come up with a new plan to replace "The Apocalypse" in order to continue its rampage against Palestinians. 
4- There will be an increase of smugness amongst the general Muslim population. 
5- Buddhists in all probability won't care. 
6- Republicans will keep drumming up inane issues nobody gives a flying fart about, because it's an addiction and they can't stop, even with their core electoral group now seated on clouds with popcorn in hand, having paid dearly for front-row seats to the bloodbath below. 
7- Obama will stop pretending he's white. Or a democrat. 
8- I will have to find some other topic to make incessant fun of. 

There's a lot more, but I'll leave it at that. For now.
But I will admit, after this weekend, I'll truly miss that thing on top of Donald Trump's head.

P.S. If it all turns out to be the other kind of "rapture," someone better invite me to that kick-ass party or I'm unleashing hell on the planet.

First There Was The Word And The Word Was "What??!"

So here we are. Or to be more precise, here I am, since this is my first blog post, and I'm basically writing for myself. Oh, and for that one guy who nagged me into this. Incessantly. But I digress. From what, I don't know, since there is no point to this post other than popping the blog cherry. And to be completely honest, it's not all ecstasy and love at first sight. Or site. Or I may be confusing a couple of things here.
Anywho. I shall leave you lonesome reader in peace for now, and as Schwarzenegger's illegitimate offspring probably said at some point: "I'll be back."